Venting

I've just gotta get this out. So, here it goes.

I am so sick and tired of being compared to my sister. Of being in her shadow. I'm tired of being told that I need to be more like her. I need to do what she does or did. Well ya know what? Fuck that. And fuck you, too, if you agree.

Don't get me wrong, I love my sister and I'm very proud of her. But my parents have put her on this fucking pedestal, and I'm in her shadow every fucking day because of it. My sister, God love her, has no fucking idea what truly hard work is. Her first job? Working less than 20 hours a week at a McDonald's right down the street. My first job? Working 60+ hours a WEEK at the busiest coffee shop in Columbus. When my sister needed a ride to and from, mom and dad were sure to jump when she snapped. Me? I had to walk 30 minutes to and from in the dark in a terrible neighborhood where ANYTHING could have happened to me. Now, she works from home on a fucking computer all day. Me? I'm a CNA and CMA and take care of people literally 24/7. From my residents to my family, I'm CONSTANTLY taking care of everyone except myself.

My sister went to school and obtained a certificate, not a degree, a fucking CERTIFICATE in dentistry. Does she use it? Nope. I've been to school twice now, paying over 1200 dollars for two certificates. That I paid for with my own money. My sister's was paid for by my parents. My dad had to continue paying child support and that's what paid for her USELESS CERTIFICATE. Me? I worked at Walgreens while obtaining mine. Got a better job, and continued to move up in my field.

When I was a teenager, I struggled terribly with depression. When I told my parents I needed help, they laughed in my face, called me a child, and told to suck it up. When I wanted to end my life? When I tried? I was told to grow up. But yet, when my sister had postpartum depression, my mom was sure to be there for her when she needed a "break". When I needed my mom to come to Kansas, willing to pay for everything and let her stay at my house for free so I could have my husband with me when I gave birth to my youngest, she said she'd be there. Was she? Nope. She was too busy being my sister's bitch. I call my parents. Do they answer? Nope. But when my sister calls? Oh shit, gotta answer the phone ASAP!

I am so sick and tired of my parents just brushing me and my children under the rug. If I wanna see them, I have to waste my money and gas to go all the way to Ohio. But have they ever once come to Kansas for me? In the four years I have lived here, have they ever once asked to come and visit? Or surprise me like I have them? Never. Do they make an effort to call me? Do they make an effort to see my kids? To ask how they are? Nope.

From now on, if they wanna be in my life, they can make the fucking effort. I'm done trying. I'm done trying to vye for their attention. And I flat fucking refuse to put my kids through the same disappointment my parents put me through. Fuck that. Do you have any idea how hard it is to explain to your kids that mamaw and papaw just don't care? Do you have any idea how much it hurts me, as a mother, to hear my kids cry when mamaw and papaw don't answer the phone or call back? It fucking kills me. It's not fair to them. At all.

So, imma chuck it in the fuck it bucket, and move the fuck on. My kids deserve better. My oldest is so excited to start school this year, regardless of it being online. She's happy that her and mommy are going back together. As for me? I'm going back to school, again. I'm gonna be a nurse. Gonna nab that Associate's degree and rub it in everyone's fucking faces, and laugh. Because I did that ON MY OWN.

Fuck my mom. Fuck my dad. Fuck my sister. My kids and I deserve better. So if they're not in our lives in the future, it's their own faults. Not mine. And definitely not my kid's. I'm done.