Why the hell am i like this?

Am I happy?
Or am I Sad?
I don't know.
I don't know what's going on.
Joyful things make me sad.
Disturbing things entertain me.
I'm broken.
I need help.
I want to cry.
But I can't.
I'm on razors edge.
No one in this house understands me.
I want to kill myself.
I want to die.
But I don't want to die at the same time.
I may sound like a over dramatic psychopath.
Maybe I am.
Maybe my parents are right.
Maybe I should actually take those pills my mother gave me.
Maybe I should.
Help me please.
Help.

-Sincerly,
Me.