Well I don't know what to think. I'm feeling really odd at the moment and I should be doing film studies homework...well coursework.
I'm really not sure how I'm feeling. I swore to someone the other night that I didn't even fancy the person I was in love with. And I don't know...I just don't know what to think. I know that they REALLY like someone else. Meh, I can't have good luck all the time can I?
I feel I don't want to write unimportant things in this but I feel that everything I'm writing is unimportant. I miss one of my best friends ever so much. :(
One of my friends quit college today and has got herself a job on 16k a year...it's made me very jealous and want to quit college but I'm going to keep at it and hope some good comes out of it in the end.
After being in a relationship with someone for 2 1/2 years and only coming out of it at the beginning of June I swore to myself that I didn't want to go through all that long term shit and commitment again. And I don't. I was treated like a prisoner and I'm afraid that's going to happen again...
But I do miss someone to cuddle in bed and I now feel really loanly. I don't think I want to be with anyone...I know I could be if I wanted to...I just don't feel right about things and all I really want is for someone to REALLY care about me..in that way. I know I've got some amazing friends who really care about me and have always been there and don't blame me for things that wern't my fault...in other words something really bad happened to me at a party at the end of August...with a guy...against my will...need I say more? And someone who I thought to be one of my best friends turned around and said that it was my fault.
I can't say how much this hurts. I feel though that I can't speak to a lot of my friends because they are so compleatly and utterly ignorant about things that I can't even begin to come to terms with it. 4 of my best friends have never kissed anyone, have to be home before 6, have never been to a party...blah blah blah list goes on...and then they tell me they know how I feel. They have no fucking idea how I feel.
Ahhh rant rant rant it's all I do...no one even reads this shit.
Humph.
Ignorance is bliss eh?
xxx
Hmmm....
November 3rd, 2007 at 08:01am