A year ago today............

My best friend, Jeannie Mach died. And my world came crashing down on top of me. I felt like it was the end of the world and i would never be able to survive without her. I fell into a deep depression and became a recluse. I never cut because i couldn't bring myself to do it. But I hated everything and missed her even more. She was my mentor, inspiration, my best friend. She was as old as my mom, but she didn't try to "mother:" me she just listened and called me on my shit when she needed too. lol Later this year in March, i had some trouble at school and lost some very good friends. I let school and my personal life get intertwined and i wasn't thinking straight. Its not something I'm proud of . But today, Nov. 8th, 2007 is the one year anniversary of her death.
I remember last year, i was riding home from school when my mom called my cell phone and told me that she had passed away. I cried for 5 days straight and didn't eat anything. I was scaring myself. Because Jeannie had been a friend to everyone in my family everyone was greiving differently and no one realized how close we truly were. I didn't want to here "Oh, you know she's in a better place, or hunny, she would want you to be happy." psh, i couldn't give a shit about what anyone said, I just wanted to cry and get over it my way.

Jeannie had a type of muscular dystrophy and she was wheel-chair bound. But thats not why she died. She was sent to the hospital for a compound fracture in her back and while at the hospital she got pnuemonia and ppl with m.d don't have very strong respitory systems and the pnuemonia is what killed her.

I look back now and smile at all the times we had, i spent the first wk of every christmas break @ her house. : ) we also loved to color like little kids in those dollar general coloring books. lol, She made up a game called "Chicken Foot" that you play with colored dominos. We had so much fun together. I miss her a lot now because there are days where i have some much I want to tell her. Like the song says. "Sunny days seem to hurt the most, I wear the pain like a heavy coat......it ain't fair that you died to young, like a story that had just begun and life tore the pages all away, sometimes i wonder who you'd be today."

Jeannie changed my life, she showed me how to be strong no mattter the situation and that it was ok to cry. : ) I will always miss her. This journal entry is posted in Loving Memory of Jeannie Mach Sept. 29, 1965 - Nov. 8, 2006.