Worth it or not

i really don't feel anything at the moment, for the past couple of days i feel nothing, i don't want to feel anything but there are two special people in my life that make me happy no matter what. the only bad thing is that one of them hates the other.
they told me why and its all my fault they hate the person. for one whenever i'm sad i blame it on the other person and says its (insert their name here) thing. but i said it wrong. i meant to say i miss them dearly and i'm just sad because i'm away from them. so i guess i'm just a dumbass for writing this and thinking anyone gives a damn about it. then like i'm with family but i feel so horrible...seeing them together makes me feel lonelier them i've felt in about...4 days. mostly thats my fault for being an emotion bitch, but the other...i can't tell if its mine or not and i don't want to ask because i don't know if it'll hurt me or not and if it does i can't deal with it.
yeah i really bet your thinking "toughen up this is the world and it has no time for your sorry ass sadness" i guess i'm just being really stupid because i second-guess myself so much that my brain is just dieing and i feel the more i get sad, the more i feel so deep in nothingness that i'm going to one day fall so bad that i'll go mute, never smile, never do anything, never even know where the hell i am at the time. I wish i could get hit so hard in the head that i forgot everything other then my life before i moved. but i would forget friends, the person i love, everything but...is it worth it to have that happen so i forget i even have people who care, have a person that i care about more than anyone...
...i kinda wish i didn't have those things...i think it would be easier to lose if i didn't have them. Then i would come home and not know where my bedroom is, not even remember my password and names for everything, someone might even call and i wouldn't even know them....half of me wants it to be worth it, to lose that stuff and start over again....the other doesn't think its worth it to lose them. lose him....lose everyone