I feel like I should apologise.

but i hate it when people say sorry and dont mean it, its worthless. so ill just tell you what i did wrong.

last journal, i played down my cut in case you freaked at me. i feel a little ashamed that i did that. its actually two cuts, the first was just a scratch, like i said, i think its not even half a centimetre, and its barely a cut in the middle. but i took two goes, see, coz that one looked like it wouldnt bleed, and even though i hate blood, i need at least a little to come out now to feel satisfied. i feel like i should be ashamed of that. i have to admit that im not, if i dont i might have to come back and write yet another journal.

so the second one was about half a centimetre deep all the way along it. and then when i reopened it it was about a centimetre deep all the way along. it might be deeper in the middle, its disgusting to me, even if i describe it like meat, but i guess your mostly meateaters. imagine a chicken drumstick or a steak or something. if you were cooking it and you cut it, the knife sort of slides along. so it could have slipped deeper than i thought. its weird to think of my leg like a piece of raw meat... but i guess thats all it is.

so thats it. just had to say it. i dont actually feel bad about the cutting, but i feel bad about lying to you. i lie too much. i was thinking about it on the bus, my bag hit my leg and it hurt like hell XD which made me think about how deep it is. i guess you all worry about me. i know i would if i was someone else, knowing im doing this, and im so emotionless about it. i tried to cry the other day, i really did. i locked myself in the school toilets and tried to cry, but the tears wouldnt come. i guess im just a bit of a psychopath/sociopath.

so if you read my journal yesterday, and you dont read this one, thats not my fault. ive pretty much fixed the fact that i lied. which makes me feel better (a little bit better anyway) about all the lying i do. if you didnt read my journal yesterday, im sorry to have attracted you with the title only to... disapoint somehow. i hope i didnt disgust/shock/upset you. im actually quite sorry if i did. i hope you understand why i had to post this...