my nanny died.

shes been ill for a long time, she had autheimers, if thats how its spelt. basically, she lost her memory and all, and wasnt actually really her anymore... i remember her before, all cheeky grins and sarcastic replies... we got on like a house on fire.

its been kind of hard watching her disapearing like this, i didnt like going to see her at the home, she never remembered me, and i wanted to remember her as she used to be, rather than as she ended as. she was only 5 stone...

so she got taken ill on friday, but we were going to see madness, so my mum stayed with her, we went to see madness and visited her this yesterday morning. my mum stayed the night with her. my dad and me got my uncle from the airport, he flew down from scotland, and we went to see her.

we were all in the room when she went. i think it was me that noticed she was going, and i said i had to go to the toilet... i guess it was peaceful, at least, and we were all there and got to say goodbye. my mum says it was the best time, shes out of misery, to say it that way.

she was at the home, coz for one moving to the hospital would have killed her before she even got there, and i mean... you put sick animals down, but you drag out old peoples lives with wires and machines and its not right. i believe in heaven, and even if i didnt, it was right, i guess.

well.. im not looking for sympathy im just saying. i might not be online or commenting or updating in a while. or i might be. ive never had to cope with a death in the family before, but i mean... i coped with my sisters dads death. my family, we just deal with things. but jeez, christmas is gonna be weird. surreal, even.