Trapped

Sometimes, I wish I could just go back to last year when everything was simple. I had friends, a boyfriend, a school I liked, parents who got along, a life that just fit. I was living up to the standards people had set for me and I was happy, in fact I was perfect. And I took it all for granted.

But then I think about it and I could never go through the let down again. It was just too painful.

I have no real problems. I shouldn't feel this way, but I do.

It's how I feel and no one can take that away from me. Not my mom, not my therapist, nobody. They all say I'm a pessimist, that I can change my thoughts. I'm not. I can't. I'm only human. I'm not perfect. I can't change what I feel.

I'm stuck.

I feel restless all the time, but all I can do is lie in bed. I feel paralyzed, like I'm trapped in someone else's body, like there's no way out. I just sit there while my mind races all over the place. I can't control it. I'm destructive and it's totally against my nature. I want to knock things over, bang holes in my walls, break vases, bash people's heads in. I'm scared of myself and what I've become. I'm scared of what I could do.

I'm trapped and worst of all, I can't find a way out.