You know what? The other day I answered the phone, and it was a family friend. Now, that happens quite often. What also happens quite often is that they ask me how I am. Being a polite child (yeah right) I say "Very well, thank you" or "I'm good, how are you?"
But this time, and for the first time in ages, I said:
"I'm fine."
That used to be my default response when someone asked me how I was. But I haven't said it in more than a year. You know why? Because it means F***ed up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. My friend taught me that ages ago, at my old school. It's like when you're crying your eyes out and somone says to you "Are you alright?" and you say "I'm fine," even though you're obviously not.
It's weird, it was only once the word was out of my mouth that I remembered what it meant. And then of course I remembered a whole lot of other things that I had thought were too insignificant to remember, like the fact that we were hanging out in the music room while we were having that conversation, and other such details. And then I remembered I was still on the phone, and I went and gave the phone to my mother. And then I put on my playlist of nostalgic songs and cried for a while.
Yes, I'm weird, crazy and insane. But then, that's why you love me.
Fine
December 18th, 2007 at 03:32pm