Sunday; July 8, 2007...my thoughts.

How come when I give out too much love, I don't even feel loved at all? That's how much I really care.. that's how much I love... people just don't see me the same way I see myself... am I invisible? or am I even existing? do they care the same way I care for them? I don't even get the same amount of love and care I give to them... I just accept the hurt and pain... and deal with it.. they don't even help me.. when I try to patch things up, it just get worse... I do my best to clear all the troubles between me and others, but it doesn't seem to be worth it anymore... even though I care, they won't care at all... it just hurts to know that you aren't getting back the same respect, love, and care when you give them out to people... how can I live through this... can you live my life? can anyone help me!! help me to stay away from all of these pain, hatred, and anger to myself...... because there might be a day that this will all end... a happy ending... or a tragic ending.... I would consider myself depressed and all, but I'm doing my best to not be too depressed that might even lead me on toward my death... and I don't want that to happen... because if that happens.... there are many things that are going to change for sure.... I've done tons of research regarding depression... and I've found out that depression is just a stage in which every adolescent takes in their lives... I've also read that a person might be depressed because of the fact that they are being excluded from something they are truly in to... or they're just depressed because someone really close to them is gone and just can't seem to live without them... they feel alone, trapped, and maybe even guilt of what they have done...... well, I'm writing this because I'm just trying to let out my feelings... I'm trying to learn to let go and move on.... but, somehow, I can't.... if you're still reading this, I know you're curious or just maybe want to help me out... I need someone to talk to... someone who will understand what I really feel... someone who I can relate to so that I don't have to feel alone anymore.... thanks for reading...