Dreams can kill

Ever since about a month ago every night I dream about another girl. For awhile I could not stop dreaming about dani but for the past week I'v been dreaming about this girl Erica. It starts off as were in the school, after it lets out and we are talking, and I tell her that I like her a lot and she's all I can think about. And then she sits on my lap and kisses my for head, then my neck then my lips. And when I try to kiss her back she pulls away from me screaming that I need to leave her alone. It feel's so real, and I wake up almost in tears. I dont know what this means, is it that I will never be able to have what my, heart truly desires or that if I try to, go after her this will happen?? But on the flip side she has a boyfriend. And I dont know if I should go after her or dani??? I get mixed concepts about my life, and you know how some people's dreams can show them what will happen in the near future, that happens to me. I saw my stepfathers death in my dream exactly hoy it happend.

I just hate that when I try to get close to someone, when I tell them how I truly feal about them it drives them away. Even more than if I dont say anything. Thats all that I can think about, every day,every minuet,every second of every day and night. I just think that I am destend to not to have a one love I will be lonely till the day I die. And some days thats all I want to do, od on pills and just wait their to die. But some thing stops me and I dont know what it is. I also have a dream I am in this dark hallway and at the end of it is a lite, and a cast iron door. And when I go to open it, it opens but then I am pulled away before I see the person behind it. All that I know is that I can see the figure of a girl about 5'5 or 5'2 and fairly shaped. with long hair but their, is a white lite blinds me. Then I wake up with my cat's eye pocket knive in mt hand almost at my wrist ready to cut it. I just dont know what too do any more. Can some one help me what all of this means, it all started when I stoped cutting. So if any one thinks that they might have an idea pleese let me know befor I fall asleep and don't wake up.