Isnt it amazing how he can just grab your heart and squeeze it until it breaks?
Isnt it amazing how he can just glance at you and make you weak to your knees?
Isnt it amazing how little old me can fall so deeply and can't get out?
His glances are making my days. His smiles are making me weak. His words make me dream. He controls me. His actions. His words. They spill over me. And take me out. I dont understand. He's. Nothing. But. Why do I love him so much?
Do I even love him? He's nothing. He's just another boy. That everybody loves. He likes me. But. Does he really? Is he just pulling at my strings, holding me tight, like a net for him to fall on? For him to pull and cut? Am I just another worthless weaving he'll slowly break? What am I worth anymore? Is it so wrong to miss the feeling of love? Am I just tricking myself to pretend feelings just cause I dont want to be lonely?
I try so hard. I just want to be happy happy. I just want them to be happy. I love them so much. But. They hate me. Dont they udnerstand? I try! I try so hard! I try very hard. But they. They just dont understand. No. They dont want to understand...
Christmas. I dont think I believe in Christmas anymore. These Cheery Songs. These Bright Lights. They make me feel so alone. They make me feel cold. Every happy child breaks another part of me. And I dont know why. Why aren't I happy? I dont think this is the hormones anymore. Theres something. Something thats missing. Something I need. Something I want. Something I want to understand. Maybe its not something... Maybe. Its just anything.
Another Pointless Rant Just To Keep Me From Exploding.
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