He's turned into my obcession. And its weird. I like him. A lot. His thin hair that waves over his forehead. His smal eyes hidden behind his glasses. His taunting smile. Its so. Controlling. His every word. His every action. It makes. Happy. Paranoid. Angry. Jealous.
He's not even much of a looker. But. I am just so. Obcessed. Maybe Im inlove. But I've only known him for about 4-5 months. And Im hanging upside down for him.
It just feels so nice. When you're standing next to him, touching arms and knowing that we like it. It feels so nice when he smiles and thanks you just for passing the scissors to him. It feels even feels nice when he says something sweet, but makes himself sound like a bastard.
Is this how it feels like to have a "teenage crush"? Im barely the age. But Im getting thre. 12. Going on 13 in a few months. The hormones are rushing in. And. They're pushing me towards him.
If only I had hugged him on the last day before christmas break. I was telling my friend about it. And she wanted to me say thanks to him for the candygram. She also told me to hug him. I didn't have the gut. When I did thank him. He nodded and left. Which left me standing blushing harder and slightly depressed.
He's not much of a person that talks to you in teh flesh. He's more of an MSN/online guy. I think we're just too shy to do anything. Maybe a few sentences a day at school isn't so bad since when I hit the computer, he's online and we talk for about an hour. =]
Maybe I am in love. Its so hard to know how I feel. maybe Im not. Maybe Im trying to fill this void I feel there is in my life. leaving my old school. Friends. And leaving myself behind. Ive become something else. Or I am becoming me. And its weird.
But. As I try to see exactly whats missing. I just want to pretend that Im in his arms..,
(His thin, frail arms that I imagine would be ever so cozy. =] )
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