I sit here waiting for life just to poke out and say "Ha-ha. I was just fucking with you. You're days are going to be happy again." I always like to think that if something bad happens, something good is right around the corner. This time. Life has given up. It no longer pokes its head out and gives me a mischievous smile. It walks out. Shoves the finger right in my face and walks away. It doesn't care anymore. It has given up. These smiles are worth anything. These waits are hopeless. These dreams are pathetic. I'm not worth anything. Just one simple thing can take so much of me apart. And I hate it. I hate it for everything it has done to me. I hate its stupid face, stupid hair, stupid warmth, Stupid loving smile. Stupid attractiveness. I wish I had never seen your face. you are worth nothing to me. You do not mean everything to me anymore. Not anymore.
You love to watch me squeal. You Love to pull at my heart strings. You are ever so good at it. You've done this to other girls. You had the power. I respected it. You had so many great things. But you chose them to hurt me. I no longer want you to pull at our hearts. We want you. But we don't need this pain. You make us crawl to your feet. We want to hold you tight but you just push us away. For everything Ive done for you, Ive given you a thousand tears. A warm smile. And my beating heart. Do they mean nothing to you? Don't you understand how you held me as I tottered on the edge? Don't these eyes tell you my story? How my feelings unravel just for you?
I will not let you win anymore. I will forget you. I want you. But. I know whats best for me. I'll sit here. And watch you crumble before me. I hope you suffer for everything you've done! For every girl you've hurt! For every heart you've stabbed! Your boyish ways don't attract me now. I want more. I need more. I deserve more. I am a fool for believing in you. I am a fool for trying to understand you. I am a fool for falling in love with you.
But a fool I am, no longer.
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