just for the attention my ass

so for some reason my ugly past came up in converstation yesterday.

my cousin came down to visit because she's just been diagnoised with depression, and seeing as i was as well a little while ago mum thought it'd be nice for her to come down and hang out with me so we could talk about stuff and she could have someone to be there for her as she is only a year younger then me.

i didnt mind, cause when i was first diagnoised with it i wanted someone who wasnt my mum and understood what it was like to be there for me, so i thought i'd do it for her.

anyway, we were talking, her mum me and my older sister, and my cousin mentioned how once she cut herself to try and help.

i told her not to worry, because i did it alot, ((did being the key word, havent 4 like 3 months)) she was shocked to hear this, as was my sister because mum was the only person who knew about it.

anyway, my sister then told me she used to as well, which i didnt know about.

i thought that maybe this would be a reason for us to form a proper "sister bond" because, lets face it, we dont have one, we're exact opposits in pretty much every aspect.

and yeah sure thats not the best thing to bond over but i thought maybe now i knew stuff about her and she did me we'd start being nice to each other and be there for one another.

but no.

i said "wow really, i didnt no that", because i didnt.

and she turns round and replies to me "yes but i didnt do it for the attention"

FOR THE ATTENTION?!

she just fucking implied that i was slitting chunks into any patch of avalible skin that i could hide for the attention.

hmmm yeah, coz thats why i cut my wrists legs, places i always had hidden. wasnt it. fucking bitch.

it really pissed me off, and if im being truthful hurt.

what i didnt isnt something im proud of.

its not something im ever going to escape from either, it will effect my life for ever to a certin extent because im too selfconcious of my scars to ever have my legs and wrists on show.

i know by announcing it it may seem like i was looking for attention but still, for her to say that was damn uncalled for for her to say that because she knew damn well i was saying it so my cousin knew i understood what she was going through.

anyways, sorry for the bitch rant, i had to let that all out before it made me too angry.