Random stream of conciousness writings.

I don't really know where else to put this, but I'm hoping that if I put them here, then maybe someone will read them and perhaps be able to offer some comfort, as opposed to being unhealthy and keeping it bottled up.

Does he want you or does he just want to fuck you? I have to wonder, ‘cause I know I’m not the most reliable of girls, nor am I the best looking. Then again, he has been seemingly considering it for a while. So, perhaps it’s not all just a façade, a simplistic and juvenile attempt at getting what every teenage male wants-sex. What’s that line? What a wonderful caricature of intimacy. Yeah. That fits very well.
“I would really like to see you tonight.” Yeah, buddy I’m sure you would. What was that you said to me the last time I risked it all to get you in? Oh yeah, “So are we gonna fuck or not? ‘Cause to be honest, while I do like to talk to you, I only came over here for sex.” And, what was it you did when I said no? Oh, that’s right. You fucked me anyways. “I’m going to do this with or without your consent.” And then you had the nerve to say that I obviously liked it and wanted it or I wouldn’t have let you (what can a 120 lb girl do against a 190 lb boy?). I was never sure whether you meant let you come over or let you fuck me. But, honestly? It doesn’t matter because in most places what you did is considered rape and you know it. Unfortunately, you also know that I’ll never tell anyone, for fear that anyone would find out. So, fuck you and your wanting to see me tonight, ‘cause guess what? I can’t. I’m dead.
Why would you come over and look at me like that. Like you wanted to laugh when you saw what I was wearing. You thought I was wearing it to look good for you-I wasn’t. You looked good though. Damn good. And then you stripped in front of me. I saw you looking, to see if I’d noticed, if I was drooling like I was supposed to, if I was still under your spell. But no, I wasn’t. Looking. Drooling and under your spell? Yeah. Yeah, I’m still all of those things. But, like they say, a watched pot never boils.