Well I havn't made an entry into here for so long. It's the 1st day of the new year today and I'm vowing to make the effort to be a person I actually like.
I've come to realise that I'll never properly know what I want. I'm too much of a fickle person. I don't know how I feel about the one I love anymore. He is with someone and I don't feel anything, he tells me he loves me and I don't feel anything. I don't know..maybe I've built up such a protection against him that I don't want him anywhere near me.
I don't want anyone near me.
I've finally decided that I don't want a boyfriend. I prefer Kimberly on her own without a boyfriend or man troubles. The natural me. The me that writes stories all day.
However much I think I'm over the one I love I still cry...and I'm yet to feel happy. It seems to be that if I speak about him face to face with someone I feel my eyes well up with tears and I have to haistly change the subject before akward questions can be asked.
No, I think it's best that I'm left on my own. I don't like me around men.
I hate moaning. So I'll stop. I just feel like I need to speak but I just can't get out what I need to say. I don't know what I need to say.
I want to begin again more then anything.
I get to see Suzi tomorrow (:
I can smell thunder
January 2nd, 2008 at 09:25am