Okay. I had a good friend of mine die recently. About four months ago. Those who know me, already know. Those who don't, just read my previous journals if you want background. Well anyway. Her name was Maeghan. We used to be very good friends, along with Kim. But between me switching schools and them starting to get into alcohol and drugs, we grew apart. I don't do drugs or drink or smoke or anything of the sort. Then when Maeghan died we all (my entire middle school/former school clique) attended the funeral, with few exceptions. Maeghan ODed on some heavy drugs. Now you'd think that after one of your best friends dies from drug use, you'd quit, right? Wrong. Kim was still into all that stuff. Her on and off boyfriend for three years was right next her. Doing it all. Turns out he died on Friday. If she continues, even after one of her best friends and boyfriend have died the same way then I'm probably going to cut off contact. I mean, doesn't she get the point? I can't handle all of these deaths so the best way to deal is to leave the situation. She's on the same road and there's nothing I can do.
I'm a pretty paranoid person. Sometimes I think someone is watching or filming me when I'm not looking or unaware. I'm scared to be in the house alone. I fear that someone has a hit out againt me or my loved ones. I'm scared that someone will break into my house and kill me and everyone else. I'm afraid that someone will try to kidnap me. Even that dogs and other big and dangerous animals will get into the house and kill me (though I love animals, it's imperative that you fear your passion). Now although most of the time these fears can be considered selfish, because I only worry about me. Lately, I've been having worries and nightmares and day dreams of bad things happening to my boyfriend, Jandri. It scares me, the simple thought of anything happening to him. But of course, those thoughts I can also twist to my selfish needs. Why, if something were to happen to him, what would I do? I'd be shit out of luck tbh. Who else would put up with my bullshit? I'm a pretty ridiculious and hard person to deal with. Stubborn. High maintiance when I'm being a bitch. Rude. Inconsiderate. I can get fairly bad. Yet Jandri puts up with me and loves me sincerely. The reason I've gone this long before even getting a boyfriend is because of my attitude, I'm sure. Anyways, to make a long story short, I pray nothing ever happens to him.
My mother is probably the most inconsiderate person I've encountered. Really. I probably get it from her. Although, I aspire to be a completely different mother when I get older. Speaking of which, I want to have one child of my own then adopt. An African boy, Asian girl annnnnnnnnnnnnnd... A CROAT BOY. Yeah. I decided the other day. Me wants a Croatie. :tehe: Anyway. Back on subject. Another thing that infuriates me is my job. I haven't been to work in a week and a half because my great-grandfather died. Although, I wasn't close, but my mom was. So we've been out of town for awhile. Anyways, my managers are pissed. I'm like, they have no right to be upset with me. I called and informed them of the situation. I the best fucking worker. For Christ's sake, you'd think that they'd cut me some slack. I have three managers. James, Ashley and George. James is the General Manager that is a complete and utter douchebag. Ashley wants him to like her so she's rude when he's around and when he's not she's a phony bitch anyway. Then there's George. He's a cool guy. I used to hate him but he's gotten much better. Turns out his last day was yesterday. w00t. Now I'm left with these shit fer brains managers. My old manager, Josh, is coming back on Thursday. He's a huge nerd, real easy to make fun of. He's annoying because he always makes me answer the phone even when I'm halfway across the store and he's standing right there. Then he keeps me two hours after my scheduled time to leave and gets pissed when I get mad. Whatever. He also calls me little pet names like I'm his girlfriend or something. Like 'sweety' and 'honey bunch'. Yeah. Really weird. BUT THERE IS GOOD NEWS. My other old manager is coming back... BRIAN. He's probably the best manager of all time. He cool. Knows when to work and when to joke. Good guy. We're friends on Facebook. :tehe: but yeah, I have work today at five. It should be interesting. James is gonna give me some bad ass attitude that I'm really looking forward to. -eye roll-
I consider myself to be a non-denominational Christian. I do a lot of things a standard Christian wouldn't do. I don't believe in everything normal Christians do. Sometimes I wonder whether or not I'm going to Heaven or Hell. Jandri wants to become more religious so I guess I'll follow in his footsteps. Religion is a comforter for most people. For me as well. I suppose it doesn't hurt to attempt to become more religious.