I don't know where to start this but I'll try to write it out properly as I'm progressing with this letter.
So basically this is a letter to you, the one you'll never see because you barely come here and you know what? I don't care.
You know how much this place means to me and I really can tell that you ... pretty much don't care, do you?
With simple words you drained the desire to call you my 'best friend'; yeah, words hurt too.
Snicker.
I'm a person who doesn't even know how to communicate with my own family how about you?
I'm a liar because I didn't reply you phone calls? Because I never checked my phone and called back?I'm not your effing wife, I have a life too.
I won't be emo and bitch you out because part of me knows this is temporary insanity; the type that makes me want to call you and tell you how much I've hated you for three months for leaving me in the dark and making me squirm all those nights asking myself what did I do wrong.
I'm not a caring person, I have low self-esteem and you send me an e-mail telling me I'm a liar?
Wow. I can feel the love.
You say I made you feel shitty? Alrighty well how about those times when you made me feel shitty, huh? Remember those?
Right now I'm typing this up in my MCR hoodie, the only thing I have from the band that kept me going on these days. The reason I'd get up in the morning and ... live.
I know you don't know many of the things I hide inside. I tell you and you reply that you're not alone I know how you feel.
Well, do you know how it is to love something and try to share it with another person and they shoot you down?
Do you know how it is to be called perfect all the time when you're far from that?
When you know that people don't understand your sarcasm and misunderstand every damn word you say because of the tone or the way you said it? Do you know how it is to feel imperfect, unloved and judged all the time?
Do you know how it is when you realize all your flaws are all your faults and you know it's all true?
You repress your feelings in fear that people will judge you of being too mushy or too girly; when you have to cry yourself to sleep because you're fat, strange and rejected by the opposite sex?
Do you know how I feel?
You have your troubles, and I have mine. Don't tell me if you don't want to; leave me out in the dark again.
Let me cry my pathetic eyes to sleep again.
I'll let it pass.
It was wrong of me to never ask how you were, I admit.
But why ask a question when you already know the answer?
Hate me, because I'm selfish.
Because I'm cruel and tease you for stupid things.
Because I'm cold, heartless and sarcastic and you don't seem to get that.
But don't EVER hate me for being me.
I won't allow strangers and I sure as hell won't allow you.
See what you triggered? All this angst and hate inside your perfect best friend.
I might be honest, I might be unkind sometimes.
But I don't lie.
Especially not to you; and you know that, don't you?
I don't tell you a lot of things my dear, be sure of that.
I don't tell you how I get depressed whenever I have to write something that I eventually end up hating.
When I get those looks; those burning looks.
So what if I tease you for your spelling/grammar and such?
So what if I'm a failure with other people?
So what if I use the file smiley and get all sarcastic on MSN?
It's not like everybody doesn't already know that too.
I listened to Seventy Times 7 and thought of you, right away. Do you know that song? Brand New? Hm? No?
Well, of course you don't.
Let me sing for you,
So, is that what you call a getaway?
Well tell me what you got away with.
Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish.
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids.
Have another drink and drive yourself home.
I hope there's ice on all the roads.
And you can think of me when you forget your seat-belt,
and again when your head goes through the windshield.
Oh yeah. You just started driving haven't you?
I know I'm a horrible, horrible person, right? That draws the perfection from my mortal soul, right?
Smirk.
Oh, wasn't an accident the start of all of this?
Back in school they never taught us what we needed to know,
like how to deal with despair, or someone breaking your heart.
I might even start writing a one-shot about this. You know why? Cause you wouldn't read it.
Because you think I'm a better writer than you; I am not.
Write and see that.
You're jealous because I'm perfect and I write better than you so you'd shoot down every chance I have to read the blood and juice of my heart to you.
You know I'm only keeping the faith because of My Chemical Romance; I don't need to believe in other things. Including your friendship.
Yeah I said it. I wish I could say it to your face though, but... I can't.
You mean more to me than anything that's going on in my life right now...
Well, except Mibba and my friends on here.
Yeah, ironic how you have many real live friends, even acquaintances, but I don't have any. Except you...
How you have many people on MSN but you don't really call them friends but I do.
Now if I only have the guts to tell you all of this...
If only...Love sincerely,
Fatma.
Yes to all of you reading this, I'm not a good person. So go ahead and think what you think of me.
I'm scary, I'm evil, I'm blunt, I'm sarcastic, I'm creepy. Go ahead. I've heard it all.
As if this happening wasn't enough I got to go
and write asong story just to remind myself how bad it sucked.
P.S:I'm not well in the head right now. I seriously am.
All this spawned from my sister [or some one] stealing my perfume bottle from my room and that lonely e-mail I've read yesterday.
Yeah,.... overreacting much?
Letting off steam is said to be a good thing apparently.
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