Pictures of him aren't good enough for me anymore because I know that there is so much more to him then a picture on myspace. He has a hard to understand voice that goes along with that beautiful face of his. He can smile with all of his teeth and also laugh. He can make my chest hurt because I'll just simply look at him sleeping on his desk. I think I love him but I don't know anything about him from experience. I haven't talked to him in a real conversation in person so I'm worried that I just like him because of his looks. I want to love him for him but I don't know him.
Today during Spanish he had his head in his hands but he didn't look sad or mad. He just looked tired and ready for school to end. But he looked so beautiful and I had never seen him with his head in his hands so a simple glance wasn't good enough for me. I looked around the whole class to make sure they didn't notice me so I could stare at him without worrying. The way my chest hurts is probably because I can't talk to him. That's all I want is for him to say hi to me and so I can be able to talk to him freely. I want to make him smile or laugh. All I want is to be his friend but maybe that's asking for too much. Maybe I should just be happy with being able to look at him in 3 classes.
The song Special by Mew used to remind me of Ethan/Darren but it is also starting to remind me of him. Maybe it's a song that reminds me of the guys that I feel strongly about. Phoenix noticed that they look the same and in a way that's true.
I don't know if I'll be able to spend an entire summer without him. It makes me sad just thinking about it.
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