I feel like I'm falling apart.

You know how for a while you can feel like everything's going good, or at least sort of? Like you're flying, looking forward to stuff you wouldn't normally look forward to.

But then someone cuts off your wings.

That's how I feel right now.

School's started for another year. I'm in year 11, so it's a lot different - new subjects that I chose, even a new uniform, teachers give you a little more respect [usually]... just different.

2007 sucked for me. Really sucked. I hated year 10 and I hated how everything was going. I desperately wanted change.

2008. Great! A new year, a new everything.

Yeah, I mean it when I say new everything.

This girl has rejoined our group after leaving in year nine. I don't want her back after everything that happened then, as it was really horrible and everybody was hurt. And yet she's back. First recess of the year and I walk over to see she's with us.

I thought at first I could tolerate it.


My friends seem to like her again. The problem is, she horse rides too, like me, and I'll see her outside of school. She's incredibly competitive, so what happened in year nine will happened all over again. At horse competitions on the weekend she'd completely ditch me, like she didn't even know who I was. And then at school she'd cling onto me.

That's what might happen this year. She'll do it all over again. My friends don't get that.

I feel like I'm screaming on the inside and no one can hear me. No one understands how she's clinging onto me this year, not letting me out of her sight. I try and be nice, but it's hard - I'm not one to pretend to be nice, it just doesn't work.

I've never felt so alone. Things will hopefully changes but... I don't want her in my life anymore. Not after everything she's done.
January 31st, 2008 at 06:29am