Turn On Me

Everything seems so overwhelming nowadays. School work has been piling up on my shoulders, crushing me under the weight of so many books and papers. My personal life hasn't been very easy lately either. Despite the fact that I've finally become more social, I'm having so many problems that sometimes I'd really just like to commit another mistake. Because that's what they are: my mistakes, my burdens, etched into my skin as permanent reminders of the lengths I will go.

And I don't want to commit another mistake; I don't want to ruin everything I have been working so hard on. It's been so hard to not do anything this past month, to put on that damned smile each day so everyone thinks I'm fine. And I was so close to just breaking down in Chemistry the past day; I was so close to just throwing away, everything I had set up for myself just so I could know if anyone cared.

But I didn't, because of my damned digniity and pride. But honestly, I'm not sure if I can handle much of this anymore. And my best friend's having problems that for some reason I now hold as well. Besides this, my friendship with another is so very rocky I never really know where we stand. Am I just his acquantance? His buddy? What am I? But I can't get up the courage to ask him and it hurts because I like him more than I should.

I'm so burdened, I'm having panic attacks again which is truly not something I want. I don't know but everyone seems to be so caught up with their own lives now that they don't have time for me. For all I do for the lot of them and I get zilch back. Honest to God, I'm too nice for my own good. But I just don't know anymore. I just don't want to etch another mistake into my skin. It's just not good.<3 Jenn