I don't like uncertainty.

You know that whole "think before you speak" thing?
Screw it.

One of the most wonderful things to hear escape his chapped lips is the sentence he doesn't think about. Maybe it's because I catch him off guard, maybe his mind was somewhere else entirely, but whatever the reason, it's like a whole other voice emerging from within, but still him. Ya know? Those are always the quick, automatic answers, the ones that somehow miss his internal comedic timing/ funny guy/ smart ass filter. It's raw, it's real and it's usually meaningless something-or-others about school work and the like.

The pessimist in me is emerging: Maybe he doesn't think I'm worth his time to think of a clever response. Maybe I've just been around for so long that he's beginning to take me for granted.

I don't do well with IGNORANCE.

I think all my stupid optimism has jinxed everything. He's been so distant and awkward since the snow day. Maybe he was before but my high hopes and IGNORANCE blocked my view. I've liked(?) him for almost a year now. For the first time ever today, I considered that maybe we're just not right for each other. That I'm not right for him. That maybe I should just let her win, before (How many? Four?) friendships are crushed by this crush.

God, I'm so flippin' dramatic.