Failure

I've always known that society judged people upon their jobs, their grades, and their looks. Never once did I think I would receive the same judgment. Don't get me wrong, I know that there will always be people who think I am not living up to certain standards, their standards, but it hurts now, as it hits me in the face, that even my own parents will judge me, based off of my grades in school. I know for a fact that school is important and I am not trying to lessen that, because nothing I say will change the education system. But to watch my parents side with a school that I hate is probably the worst feeling I could get. I hurt myself today after fighting with my mom. I've failed 3 subjects. I am not dumb. I am the furthest from dumb, but I do not give all of my best efforts to school work, like in math or science or foreign language. I do not strive to do well in those classes, but I do borderline work, hoping it will get me by, good enough to pass. And it didn't. I will have to cancel my sweet sixteen because of summer school.

Never in my life have I felt like such a failure. I am a failure. It says so on my "report card." It is my number, my identity. I will not get a good job, I will not get into a good college because of a lousy piece of paper, insulting my intelligence.

:(
February 5th, 2008 at 02:45am