Trying Not to Love Him

Robert....it's become my favorite name. I must admit that I hate him every bit as much as I love him. It all started one day in science class when a quiet boy with a lazy eye first spoke to me. I remember that there was this other boy named Jared or something like that who was bugging me so I threatened to slit his throat, with a pencil. A mechanical pencil.

So the first words I heard him say was "you're crazy". Then he grinned. Since then we've talked everyday in science. He's a year older and thats the only class we share so we talked the whole time, pretty much ignoring the teacher.

Then someone told him I liked him and it all came crashing down. We're still friends, laughing all through science, but that day he said he likes someone else. A girl I know. He likes her, thinks she's pretty but what he doesn't know is that I more than like him, I love him. He makes me feel..like no one else is there, it's only me and him. nobody else matters.

Sometimes I think it's a load of crap. Just a bunch of hormones mixed up but I've got to stop. I'm tearing myself apart just by telling him he has a chance with her. They're perfect together and I can tell. I know if he could just look past the skin, past the bad reputation, that he would like me. Not love but it would be enough just to have him say I'm pretty or smart. He tells me I'm funny a lot. No one understands my craziness like him and I've only known him a year.

People tell us all the time we should be dating but he just brushes it off. I wish I could tell him but it would ruin everything...