More stuff on music

I come up with the most lame titles for my journal entries don't I? Anyhoo...

I went over to the music shop today to get a strap for "Mikey" and was yakking to the guy who owns it and he reckons with practice that I'm good enough to play in a band in time or even play professionally if I practice enough (that's the big "if" though). I was so happy because it's my dream to be in a band and I lit up like a Christmas tree over the idea of playing. I like practicing, so that shouldn't be a problem either.

I'm so scared though... I know that's crazy, but my nerves play me up no end to the point where I used to get laughed at when I was at school because I have hands that shake a little on a permanent basis. It's not like I'm conscious of it, but it just happens which has made me very ashamed of people looking at my hands.

I'm kind of hoping that I can work something out with the shrink over that. I'm guessing that it's something related to my poor brain chemistry which could be fixed one way or another. Either that or I'll have to down a pint before I play anything in public to calm the nerves (not ideal, but I don't want anything to stop me from playing).

John (music shop guy) was talking about all that he's done with his life so far and he said that he's happy and done all that he wants to do. That if he was lying on his death bed today that he's lived his life to the fullest. He reckons I should go for my dreams... I think he's right.

Getting my brain fixed or the therapy to deal with it is high on my agenda though. I can't even pass my driving test because of the nerves (I've gone in for it about 4 times already). I don't want my brain issues to ruin my life because I've got a pile of failures racked up behind me already because of it. Failed degree, alcohol and drug abuse, various counts of bad behaviour and "hell raising" which I won't even taint the page by writing about.

I'm going to come on here to vent frequently about it though!!!! Therapy starts on Mibba!!!

That's enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll shut me cake now!!!!!!!