Valentines Day is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap...

I feel that I have so much to say but at 1 o'clock in the morning I'm pretty lonely. I've been crying, I miss my Suzie.
I don't know what's wrong with me. Well I do. I'm so confused, and everytime I think about it I feel quite sick. I keep getting hurt by people I like, yet I don't think I do like them. It's like an equasion really;

Kimberly + Lonliness - that one she loves so much that has been gone since August + Me really not used to being single x Valentines Day = Everyone is attractive.

I guess I just miss knowing someone is always there, yet the idea of being in a relationship sicknens me. That's partly what's confusing me. Either way I look at it, I'm not happy am I? It's a catch 22 situation. It's fucking irritating. All I want to do is drink Stella and smoke a joint...or have a line on my own in a very pretty place.

Do you ever feel like destroying something beautiful because you are so jealous of it? It's how I feel right now. After all I've been though since the summer, this whirlwind where I cannot remember anything anymore and where I'm snorting lines from a toilet seat in an illigal squat I feel so ugly. Of corse people assure me I'm pretty but I'm not what I used to be. I'm worn. I look tired all the time. I look messy, it makes me feel unhappy.

Usually I would never ever let Valentines Day effect me but this is my first one alone in a while. And while I know that the love of my life isn't going to swoop down on me and take me away some place while I'm walking down the street I know I'm going to be alone. Compleatly alone. What joy.

I still feel constricted after writing this so I think I need my bed. Hopefully I'll sleep for days, maybe even weeks. I'll wake up and he'll be there.
However I want someone more then him at the moment.
Suzie ):