I Stopped Holding On

Normally the term "holding on" makes most people think of a romantic relationship that ends badly. But it doesn't necessarily mean that. It can be with friends or family or just someone that has left you and you keep holding on to the hope that they'll come back or make it right, whatever "it" is. And I guess it could also be a memory or wish or something not related to a person too. I was just thinking about everything that has happened to me and around me in the last five or six years. I guess I stopped holding on to the regret I've had for doing or not doing something right that made one of my best dude friends forget all about me and I've stopped holding on to my longing to go back to seventh grade, the happiest year of my life, and I've stopped wishing that I didn't have to move on because it just isn't possible. I think about my middle school years every so often, and whenever I do, I wish I could go back and make everything right, but then it goes as fast as it comes when I continue living my life. If I could go back and make everything "right" then I wouldn't be where I'm at now, and I'm actually happy now. Sure, there are ups and downs all the time, but that's just part of it. So, I have stopped holding on to the stupid fantasy about going back to middle school (scary thought there...ugh...) since I wouldn't really be able to change what was meant to happen.
And then I went to high school, after the one unhappy year, the really happy great year, and the Eh year that I know as middle school and I'm a freshman...ick...it wasn't a bad year, it just wasn't the best either. New school, new people, new everything. It was all new and somewhat scary and I never really ever held on to that year, although that was when I got to see my friend Rich all the time and Rouge, him and I were all in orchestra together just goofing around like little kids. Which we were. And I met my friend Aika, who I wouldn't have met if my schedule hadn't been messed up due to the boundary change that I hadn't been informed of until a month before school started. I had to get transferred so I didn't have to go to the other main high school here and I'm glad I did.
Then there's sophomore year...I always thought "sophomore" was spelled "sophmore" before I actually was one. I found my love of photography, dropped out of orchestra cause I'd had enough and it was an okay year. It was better than some. But there's not anything I would specifically hold on to and never let it go. but overall, it wasn't too bad.
And then there is junior year, where I'm at now. It's been pretty good so far. I can't complain. And the latest thing I stopped holding on to was someone I'd considered a friend, when she really never was. She's good at faking it. And I just got tired of her crap and complaining and I stopped being her friend right back. She'd stopped a long time before and I was getting tired of her and her boy-crazyness, so I felt I had no choice except let go of her if I wanted to be happy at all. I know I would regret it if I stayed her friend any longer and I'd end up just blowing up at her, which would be bad. I don't know if it's bad that I just stopped talking to her or if it would be worse if I had actually talked to her and yelled at her and told her the truth I'd been wanting to tell her for the longest time. She'd probably have cried if I did the latter...But seriously, you don't try to see if someone's mad at you while you're both walking with a crowd that consists of about 3000 people all going to the same place for a stupid assembly. I could have answered her then instead of ignored her and create a huge scene, but I didn't. She also could have created a huge scene, but I can take her on, so it would probably end in my favor. But I just stopped holding on to that friendship and her and everything and now I am done....

I went shopping today and got a few pair of jeans. I hate shopping for jeans. It's bad...Although I did get three pair that fit. One is just a regular pair of jeans and they aren't too long, which is hard for me to find since I'm short and I swear they make jeans for tall people...and then the other two are a little long, but they fit, and I can easily roll them both up an inch or two and they'll stay since they're skinny jeans...but yeah...And I'm happy cause I finally got my report card through the mail(yeah, what kid ever wants their report card, I know, I didn't, but I get money for good grades, so I really did want it...) and I got a B+ in my Government and Politics class. the only grade under a B was the first quarter of that class, and it was only a C, so my parents were happy too...Now I have to go tell Rouge about my time shopping at Kohl's...