tired of my life

Lately I feel like my life has no meaning. I know my friends care about me and all but I don't think my parents do at all. yeah they do things for me but so what. I hate my dad with a passion. Like a month ago I found out he cheated on my mom with one of my best friends moms. How retarded is that. I hate him so much. I'm not over it and probably never will be. he didn't even tell my mom about it. My friend told me, because they got caught by the cops. He lied to my mom and said that they just kissed but that's not what the police reports said. he used to be my hero and we used to be so close but I can never forgive him. he never even said sorry or he didn't mean it to me. he acts like nothing ever happened now a days. My mom didn't even get a divorce from him which I think she should. I cried my eyes out for like a week when I found out and sometimes I still do.

My grandma doesn't even like me. It's my dads mom. I don't even really like that side at all. They are just trash. Last year she forgot my birthday which is on the same day as one of my cousins but of cause she remembers his. I got a card sent to me like a month later and she lives like 2 minutes away form me. She didn't call or anything. I haven't talked to her since Thanksgiving and I never really want to. She has favorites. she always takes every grandchild out except me and my brothers. She's all the time getting them stuff but does she ever get us anything no. When I played softball my cousin kenzie was on my team, one of her favorites, and grandma shirley would come to about all the games. Except for the ones Kenzie wasn't at. She would never come to any of my school stuff if I got an award or something but of course she did when one of the others had something. She didn't even go to my brothers graduation when he graduated a couple of years ago. When my mom had cancer shirley never did anything for her or neither did any of my dads family But if someone is sick or pregnant or something my mom makes stuff. My mom is all the time sending food down to my grandma shirley. But nobody in that family does nothing to help my family at all.

My mom doesn't get me at all. She thinks I'm like a freak or something. She wants me to be perfect and she runs my life for me. Like I put color in my hair blue on the tips and she was like oh it looks so stupid. Why would you do that, it makes you stand out and people at school are going to make fun of you. If I do something that she doesn't like, then she won't support me. Anything that I do she thinks is stupid unless it's approved by her. She wants me to be a prep. I love to wear band tees and she thinks they look retarded. She's all the time telling me like why are you wearing that? You need to wear more blouses and stuff to make yourself look prettier. I don't give a fuck what people say about me. She doesn't get me at all. I know it sounds stupid and people think I'm like self centered when I say this shit. but I don't really care anymore. i'm just getting tired of everything and everybody. I have breakdowns a lot and lately I have been having them a lot more often. I hate being around my family that's why I always stay in my room most of the day. I always listen to music to calm me down and just think about everything. That's my escape.