I found something that actually helps.

Yesterday I did a sort of meditation session with a really good sensei. At first, I thought it sounded dodgy and new-age, and I had my doubts, but he was someone whom my boyfriend trusted so I gave it a go. And it turned out to be really good. I thought meditation would be some unfounded alternative to science, but it actually has solid roots in psychology and fits with all of the things previous psychologists and councilors have told me before but have never actually been able to do anything with.

The meditation itself was really good- I actually felt unconscious and I learned some skills about suggesting my own attitudes and just generally being able to evoke a better state of mind. We also talked about the Japanese notion of 'ki', which althought it is something western medicine doesn't take into account, isn't a spiritual or theoretical alternative to science either. I suppose it still all seems a little foreign, but the long and the short of it is that I feel a lot better. I was so calm on the day, when I had been apprehensive and even resentful beforehand, and last night I slept a lot better (as I haven't done in ages), and woke up with energy- even my cat seemed happier to see me, lol.

I think I will keep going with this. Whatever the explanation for this working, this guy seems to know a lot, and it would be a shame to pass up any opportunity to find out more about it.

Also, yesterday I heard from a friend I haven't had much contact with since she went to do a course in Sydney two months ago. Apparently things are going really well for her- she was quite overweight, and now she's lost 15kg, and is just generally having a great time. I'm so happy for her, and though I still miss her, I might get to see her when I go to Sydney in a few weeks. Talking to her really made my day.

And today I might be going shopping- yay!