Why does it always turn out like this? Huh?

Why does it always turn out like this? Every time I end up trusting someone so much, I fall for them, and then they just chuck it back in my face. First time it was Barri, I met him at my singing lessons, and I had a minor crush on him. Then I started hanging out with him. Then I started dating him. Then I met his family. Then I started sleeping with him. I thought I could trust him, I thought it was going to last forever and ever, and we would get married and have children and live happily ever after. But it never works like that does it. He started getting really possessive, and checking up on every move I made. I thought this would just blow over, but it only got worse. He started reading my texts and texting all the boys I knew telling them to never talk to me again. He obviously didn’t trust me, so I decided I would break up with him, but it’s not that easy. He did the worst thing a boy could do when you end it with them… he CRIED, yes that’s right, he cried, and not only did he cry, he also wept and blubbered and whined like a baby. He tried the complete guilt trip on me, saying that he’ll change and that we should give it another go. It didn’t work of course, so that was that, the end of Barri. Or so I thought. He kept texting, asking me to get back with him, and every time I saw him he hugged me and started majorly flirting with me. JESUS, does he not get the hint? Its over!

Then, after Barri, it was Ben. Ben was going out with my mate Jade, and every time I went out with them two, he was flirting like mad with me in front of her face. I should have known that was a bad sign, but I couldn’t resist. She ended it with him, so that gave him a free slate to go out with who he wanted. It would have been different if he dumped her, but he didn’t. So I started dating him. This badly affected my friendship with Jade, and for a while, she completely hated me. I didn’t know what to do, so I just carried on dating her ex. I’d already done the damage. Once again, I started hanging out with him more and more, and then I met his family. Ok, that bit was fine. So I was happy as dandy dating Ben, but slowly he started thinking he could control me, but I was having none of it. Every time I refused to do something he had asked me to do, he got the hump and gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the day, and then he would come crying back to me apologising for being such a bastard. That really did my head in. Just like Barri, he did not trust me one bit. He knew Barri was my ex and that he was still in love with me and would be for the rest of eternity. So Ben took Barri’s number off my phone without my permission, and every time I mentioned him, he would threaten to phone him and tell him to leave me alone otherwise he would smack him in the face next time he saw him. He never carried out any of these threats of course. He wasn’t man enough. I didn’t want to go out with him anymore, so I decided I would end it. But every time I went to end it, I couldn’t, it was as if he knew what I was going to do, and made me feel guilty. It was getting close to Valentines Day, and I didn’t want to still be with him on the day. I was going on holiday on the Monday, and I wasn’t going to see him until after my holiday… after Valentines Day, so what was I to do huh? I had no choice but to dump him over text. Of course I had the whole “you’re a wimp” “you’re a chicken” “you’re well out of order.”, but I couldn’t care less, I was just glad I was free of him. The bad thing was I had cheated on him the day before I dumped him, but surely I could be forgiven for that? At least I had the decency to dump him straight after.

I had cheated on him with Paul. And not only was it cheating, it was the worst thing I could do. I slept with him, while I was still with Ben. I don’t know how it happened. I met Paul through my brother Benjamin. Benjamin is 17 and Paul is 19…... I am 15! Paul picked me up from school one day, and immediately I fell for him, he was tall (very tall… like 6 foot 3 ish), fit, and had an amazing sense of humour. I knew he was a player, but that just made it more of a thrill. Benjamin knew I liked him and saw me flirting with him and got a bit annoyed. He got annoyed because he didn’t want me to get hurt. Only now do I understand that. Anyway, one day I walked home from school with my bestest, funniest, craziest, out of her mind buddie in the world, Cate, and was stood outside her house talking (she lives literally 5 seconds away from me) when Paul drove past, I screamed his name the loudest my poor baby lungs could reach, and he stopped. He came and parked outside her house and we got in, me in the front and Cate in the back. We were joking about and having a laugh, and then we got onto the subject of sex, and between me and Cate we got him so horny, I'm sure he was pitching a tent there and then. Cate’s mum called her in, and it was just me and Paul left sitting in his car. We were talking for about 5 minutes when who walks past? Benjamin, my brother, Paul’s best mate. He gets in the car and we drop him off at Asda to meet his new bird (tweet tweet), then me and Paul drive off… to a car park, and park the car. We start making out and one thing leads to another, next thing you know, we are having full blown sex in the back of his car at 5.15pm, with blacked out windows, and blaring dance music. Paul drops me off at home at 6.15pm, and the minute I walk through the door, all I hear is “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?”. Woops, I forgot I hadn’t even came home from school until now, school finished at 3.30pm. Benjamin was immediately on my case and got it out of me somehow. I thought that was a one off with Paul, but it wasn’t. A couple of weeks later, it happened again. I saw him on the way home from school in his car, and he stopped and talked to me and Cate… again. Eventually me and Cate went home, and I got a text from Paul. We decided to meet up again that night, and we did. I said to family I was at Cate’s house, and she went along with it, it was dangerous, because there was always the risk any member of my family could have walked to his house because we live so close. Anyway, this time me and Paul went and parked at a different car park (the car park next to Cate’s nans house), and it happened again, this time, it was much more vigorous and full-blown. It was amazing. I realized I really liked him and I wanted this to continue. But then… Benjamin and Paul fell out and I realised that was the end of that. They fell out because Paul had been flirting with Benjamin’s ex, and told her he had always loved her, and that it killed him when he saw her and Benjamin together. He got drunk and told Benjamin’s ex all Benjamin’s little secrets he had only confided in with Paul. This got to Benjamin so much, it hurt him. They fell out. I, obviously was on my brothers side, and I was in such a mood with Paul, that I text him telling him everything I knew about him that made him sound like a complete wanker. Anyway he text back in a stress, and I haven’t spoke to him since… mainly because I haven’t seen him since. I'm sure if I see him though, I would do all that again, because he has that effect on me.
So once again, there I go, sending another boy away…
So I have decided… I am not going to date another boy until I know they are the one. I’ll just be a teenager out to have fun!