StupidStupidStupidStupid!

Why, right now, am I so insistant on hurting anyone and everyone?
Am I just totally shameless, do I just have no morals?

I like him a lot, I haven't felt this way for like... I don't know. I don't even know. That's a sad state of affairs, that the moment I feel this way, is when I'm someones bloody bit on the side.

Yes, that's right. I've admitted it to myself.

I am somebody's bit on the side.

I am an awful, awful, horrible person, who doesn't deserve half of what she's got.
I take my life for granted so much.

I have parents with a lot of money, I have parents who love and dote on me, and an older brother who is just plain awesome.

I have the most amazing friends in the entire world, but the one boy I want already has a girlfriend so I have to go and have him as well, don't I?

And. D:
I don't even know.
I feel awful but I don't want to do anything about it.

I just want to be with him, even if he's still with his girlfriend.
And if she finds out she'll get really hurt, and then I'll be first in the firing line - understandably. I'll ruin everything, and I'll hurt people, and then. Well.

You know how he tries to make it seem better? "The drugs are splitting us apart anyways."
Is that reasonable?

Someone tell me what to do please? I'm so clueless, and just, horrible.