We don't know why the innocent die...

We don't know why, but we know it's not right....
Will this world ever find a way to change?

I'm looking around and realizing I'm dying in this world.
I'm losing who I was.
I loved being 16 because I was real. Everything was real, I acted on impulse, I loved and hated freely, I didn't care what people said, I dressed how I wanted and didn't give a fuck about who didn't like me.

I feel so fake lately, like there's so many different sides of me that are coming out, but it's different for every person that's around me. There's the music that I like that keeps changing, the clothes, the people, the books, the moods.
I think my friends are having trouble keeping up.
Fuck, I'M having trouble keeping up.

Maybe it's because I'm not really eating anymore and I'm losing weight.
Maybe it's because I'm missing my meds in the morning, and at night and when I take them I overdose a little to make up for what I've missed.
Maybe it's because I seem to be at a crossroads in my life.
We're moving again.
I don't know where or when or even fucking why. But we are.
I'm thinking about college and getting a job and becoming a violin teacher and being a really decent and proper human being my parents would be proud of.
But then I've got it in my head that I'm going to play music and bum around in the same clothes for a week at a time, get into crazy shit I've never tried, travel, do the things I've always wanted to do.
How?
I'm at a crossroads but both directions are dead ends.