A Completely Horrible Day, A Completely Horrible Person...

I woke up this morning around nine and immediately texted my best friend, Josh, to make sure he was okay. He went to a party last, and I wanted to make sure he didn't drive anywhere. One of my biggest fears is that the one person I love the most would get in a car crash...
After he assured me that he was okay, he called me to tell me about his night. I didn't tell him that I'm afraid that he'll leave me for this girl he met. I want him to be happy...
When we got off the phone I layed in my bed, just looking at the ceiling, thinking...
I went downstairs and got some water. I've been feeling really dehydrated lately. Then I went into the living room, where my mother (I don't call her my mom) and my sister (who is eight and a half months pregnant) were watching a Lifetime movie. Stupid marathons.
I went upstairs and tried to rectify the effects last night's sleep had on my hair. No use, in my opinion. Then, when I couldn't stand the boredom, reorganized my vanity. As I went to throw away the trash, I realized that I hadn't dumped the trash since I threw away the broken mirror.... I hate that mirror. And myself for ever breaking it...
I sat on my floor and cried silently.
I texted Josh, telling him that I love him.
When he texted me back I was on my way to my grandpa's house. He has cancer, and apparently isn't expected to live much longer, which kills me...
It was all I could do to not cry as I gave him a hug. But I knew I couldn't let myself cry. How horrible would he feel? So I held it in until I was sent to start the car.
I absentmindedly pulled out my phone and called Josh. It's what I always do when I'm sad. He's always there for me.
"Hello?"
"Hey."
"Sup?"
"I just came from my grandpa's house"
"What? You just came at your grandpa's house?" he joked.
"You know what I mean" I said.
"Which grandpa?" he said, his voice suddenly serious.
"Spencer." I said as I started the car. "..... It's so hard not to cry in there"
"You can cry now, if it helps"
That's when I lost it. I started crying as I told him about what happened. He always knows how to make me feel better.
"Shit. My phone's gonna die" he said.
"It's fine." I said.
"I'll call you when I get home and charge it."
"Okay."
"I love you"
"I love you, too"
A couple of seconds later my mother and my sister got in the car. My mother started to yell at me for sitting in the car while it was running.
"You're gonna be paying for the gas if you're just going to be sitting in it with it running!"
Then she looked back and saw me hurriedly wiping the tears from my eyes.
"What's wrong with you?" she said.
"Nothing." I shot back. "Drop me off at the house before you guys go to the store."
"Fine litte-miss-attitude!" Heather said.
I rolled my eyes and looked out the window. Just a few more blocks...
When we pulled in the driveway I got out and slammed the door. I ran up the steps and opened the door. Lily was laying across a pair of my shoes. I walked past her and headed upstairs, taking the steps two at a time.
I opened my pink and blue door and tried to avoid obsticles as I ran to my bed. I threw the comforter, which wasn't that comforting, over my head, turned my phone on vibrate, put my headphones in my ears, and searched through my MP3 player for the perfect song. Adam's Song by Blink 182. I layed there for what seemed like hours crying. Turns out it was only fourty minutes.
I went downstairs. No one was home. I decided to go for a walk. Somehow I ended up in the cemetary, sitting at my grandmother's grave, crying again. My phone rang. It was my mother. I silenced it and got up.
Better head home or she'll call the cops
On my way back a small beagle puppy started following me. It was all I could do to not pick him up. He looked scared and hungry. I wish I would've helped him ...
I knew I had to eat something today, so I opened the fridge. Left-over Spanish rice. Not my first choice, but it'd suffice. I got out the shredded cheese as I heated up the rice. Completely disgusting. I forced myself to keep it down as I headed back upstairs. I then fell asleep listening to If You Could Only See by Tonic.
When I woke up I decided to blow some time by checking to see if I had any comments on Mibba. None. So I went to Josh's page. He'd said that he had blogged about last night, so I thought I'd check it out. Then I saw a journal title of his that made me think.. I clicked on it and my heart sank. How could I have been so mean to him, when he's always so nice to me? How could I hurt him like that? How could I have been so selfish? Then I realized that it's not always about me. I need to think of how my actions and words effect others. I need to look at the bigger picture, as corny as that sounds....
And that brings us to now. As I sit at my computer, tuning out my parents' current fight. Just..thinking...