Last Dance

I'm really cross because I'm in an internet cafe and just lost my entry! Grrrrr!!!!!!!! *swear curse*

Anyway the essence of it was that my friend, the psychic, thinks I've not progressed at all over the years he's known me and that I'm living in the dark. That I'm going to end up "one of those dark Scorpios"... Well, he's wrong. I know he's saying those things to shock me into action (which I appreciate) but even so, that's harsh. I'm going to make sure I never die by degrees... I'm so, so, so tired.... but I won't lie down and die.

So... I know what I want from my life... I want to be expressive and to live and learn and love. I want to reach out and touch the lives of other human beings and to be accepted for who I am. I want to play music and to write and also to learn. I really, really want this for myself now. I want to fly!!!!!!!

In the meantime, I have to be patient because the resources I need (time, money, energy) are lacking. I'm here for my little'un, R and want to be the best mummy I can to her... but it's taking everything I've got to the point where there's practically nothing left for me. So, I sit here in order to recoup my energies a little and to think.

"a woman now standing where once
there was only a girl"

I'm too old and jaded for all of this.