Many people say that life now as a teenager is supposed to be the best part of your life before going onto college and becoming an adult in the real world. For me it’s the opposite. Everyone is probably going to think that I’m all suicidal and all that jazz but the truth is for me anyways that the teenage years wasn’t the best part of my life in fact it was believe it or not the worst part of my life to this day. Let me introduce myself for a bit, so that I don’t get confused, it’s pretty odd* that I would get confused especially with the fact that this is my journal. Also, so that you have a bit more insight on me and why I think the teenage years for me have sucked.
I live in New Jersey in one of the most prep centered cities/towns possible Manalapan home of the preps, sluts, whores, and possibly one of the best places to get drugs no joke. No I’m not a drug addict but plenty of people that I know are one of them being my older sister and you can tell who are the dealers in my area. Anyways ever since I was 11 a lot has occurred in my life it all starts with my older sister she has gone through a lot but when I was about 12 she ran away and I had to become the oldest with the most responsibility and all that jazz. I had no clue what I was doing. Would you if you had an older sister that you looked up to runaway from home because of stress? She did eventually come back but I still had the responsibility of being the oldest even though my sister is 6 ½ years older then me. After that situation things calmed down for a bit. That is until I was in 8th grade and looking forward to entering high school. I was ecstatic that is until my sister ran away yet again. No one knew where she was except for me and I couldn’t handle the fact that I knew and my parents who were worried sick about her didn’t. I started cutting because of that.
Once my family found out they freaked and sent me to therapy and a psychiatrist. It helped for a bit. But essentially I was always the one who couldn’t tell mom or dad what my sister confided in me and I became sick of it because I shouldn’t have to keep so much stress of my sisters problems affect me. Initially that was a time when I had bad depression and although its cliché My chemical romance saved me. Anyways ever since I always knew everything before my mom did and she decided whether it was good or bad when she finally found out. Most of the time it being bad. But for a while now well the past two years everything has been okay well except for the fact that I knew my sister was pregnant before my mom did but my sister didn’t want my mom freaking out. Even though that would happen anyway. As of today my sister has been clean for about two years has a beautiful son and is doing quite well for herself well as well as she can because she is a single mother raising a two almost three month old infant. As for me well life has been rough but I am coping and getting used to it die to the fact that the stuff that I have gone through does happen in the real world and you have to be ready for it. I’m hopefully going to go to Westchester University to study psychology and help those that need it. In the end I guess what can be said is that life is rough and you have to take it by the neck if you want to survive. Its what I did and I’m happy or well just satisfied.
*got the new panic album today and listening to it as I type up the journal don’t know why but it is oddly inspiring.*
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