It Started With a Question

It happened four years ago, on a hot summer afternoon when, I was still living with my family in Pagbilao, my hometown. We were having our snacks while watching TV when the sound of the beeping of a car suddenly filled the air. It turned out to be my aunt who was on her way to Tagkawayan to visit my grandparents’ tomb. She said she wanted to drop by our house and see how we are. She even handed me a gift for my graduation. She ate with us and for some time talked to my parents. By the time they finished talking, I was in front of the TV, oblivious of what’s happening with my eyes glued on the screen. My aunt suddenly sat down beside me and without wasting any time, asked me a very unexpected question which totally cahnged my life and my whole being.

“Do you want to study in Manila?” she asked.

It took me about five seconds to comprehend what she said and another five seconds to realize that she was really talking to me! Slow, am I not? But what can I do? I was shocked. It was my secret dream to study in Manila though I planned of an ordinary high school life in the quiet town of Pagbilao. Now here is my aunt, tempting me and telling me to forget about those blunt plans and just come with her to Manila and study there! But there are so many things I needed to consider.

So what was my answer?

YES.

Without hesitation, I uttered the word, having weighed the situation and having to think and put into consideration what might take place after that. I knew I would have to leave my family behind and live with my aunt in an alien world. I would have to cope with the urban life and forget my rural ways. I would have to get used to saying mantika instead of langis. I would have to be independent. It’s hard especially for someone like me who isn’t used to being away from my family. But I said yes anyway and so, to Manila, I went!

At first, I felt excited, then it turned to dread. Coping was not an easy thing to do, I realized. Having been from the province, I found the ways of the ‘Maynilains’ weird, resulting to by becoming a loner during the first few weeks of my stay in the city and studying in a private school. But I learned.
Little by little, I began to approach people and make friends, in short, I learned to socialize. I learned to do things on my own, to wash my clothes and iron them. I learned to clean the house and budget my allowance. I became used to studying by myself, without my father assisting me on my projects or my mother’s bickering voice reminding me to study. I learned to depend only on myself. Gone was the noise of my brother’s CD player or our dog’s barks. It was only me in front of my textbooks in the quiet room on the far end of the house. I missed my family so bad that sometimes I even cry. The only consolation is the fact that I am helping my family reduce their expenses when I’m in Manila.

But you know what the worst part of this scenario is?

It’s the journey back and forth, from Pagbilao to Manila. Do you know the feeling of being pulled by two opposing teams in a tag of war? Well, it’s like that. I don’t want to leave Quezon, but I also want to be in Manila. So the journey from one place to the other became a burden. I feel lonely sitting on one of the bus’ big chair, since I always travel alone and my parents won’t come with me. I see group of people enjoying every moment on the road because they were with friends and families. I became envious, but I got used to it anyway. I would just have to learn to be on my own and accept the fact that in life, I can’t have everything.

Another hard blow, which totally changed me, happened last November 23, 2005, when my mom left the Philippines to work abroad. At first, I blamed my father for it because it’s his responsibility to provide for our family and not mom’s but I figured I really can’t blame anyone. I understand that there is a reason for everything and I can’t do anything if I wouldn’t be seeing my mom for quite some time. But you know, it was bad enough to be miles away from your family but what if your thousands of miles away from your mom? Your dearest and most beloved mother! I thought I was not going to be able to make it but I did. That’s why I’m still alive.

It started with a simple yes-or-no question, followed by the challenge from the city and then the departure of my mom. Now, I wonder what’s next. Well, whatever it is, I’ll be ready for it. With all the changes had that happened in my life, I have improved. My understanding of things was enhanced, my ideas became more broad, my creativity was developed, my principles have become more defined, my mind grew to be stronger than ever and my outlook in life more positive.

I know this is not the end of all those challenges. There are more to come and a number of them will surely be way harder than what I have faced. But I’ll be ready to face it. I was able to go through a lot of trying times already, I’m sure I’ll be able to go through some more!