*** My Life Is Screwed!!!

You would expect a girl to be in bliss, I love my boyfriend of 6 months. Hell we have even moved in together, uni is great I have (so far) a distinction average, I have no friends but hey I’m a loner any ways, and I’m 18 and can drink and legally by cigarettes. My dilemma is this, before my current boyfriend Rob there was a guy called Alex. Now Alex was hot, and could play guitar awesomely, and he also had really good vocals. We had started going out, and in the first week he said he loved me. Cute I know but this was my first serious relationship (almost 3 yrs ago) and I was a little unsure of my feelings. I was convinced I loved him until I got to know a guy we were both acquaintances with...let’s call him Brian. Brian and I were happy; he made my day whenever I saw him in the corridor at school, and could relate to my frustrations at school as we both did similar subjects, Japanese, Math 3, Chemistry and Physics. Where as Alex did Drama, Art, Music etc. I loved Brian so much and everyday I was with Alex I felt like I was cheating with him as I had seriously strong (sexual desires) for Brian.

I ended up breaking up with Alex, and gave some lame reason which was probably my first mistake. I stupidly thought that if I broke up with Alex that Brian would ask me out, but how was I wrong. We continued being friends until 3 months down the track all communication from him was gone. Not a word nothing, he didn’t even acknowledge me in the corridors. I was heartbroken, and he completely ignoring me started me and my now annoying tendency to self harm when my relationship is in turmoil. After he finished school and I was in year 12, I found out off my good friend Matt who was in the army that he had done basic training with Brian, and Brian told him that he loved me. Brian seemed amazed to find out off Matt I liked him too, but I didn’t find this information off Matt until tonight.

This all started a few weeks ago at a night at my local watering hole. I was out on the balcony having a smoke and drink with my friends and we got talking about school. One of my new friends Frankie, unbeknown to me before this night is Brian’s cousin. As well as being my boyfriends best mate. So imagine the awkwardness of him saying Brian wanted me so bad, then me saying no fucking way me to in front of my boyfriend. He then explained that whilst dating my ex’s best friend (who’s a chick lets say Gena) that he heard so much shit about how I was a fidget bitch and was a heartbreaker. So he was totally surprised when I turned out to be a ‘fantastic-fun loving- and awesome girl’ (his words not mine), which in turned is the reason Brian stopped talking to me as he thought if he couldn’t have me as a girlfriend then its nothing at all.

My friend Matt who I was talking to tonight, to find out Brian’s number or e-mail, reconfirmed all of this, and yeah. I don’t know what to do. I have his email but should I email him. It’s straining my relationship already, but deep down I know I still love him. Please help me people.