I Need Some Help... Please, It's Important, Really, I Hate To Admit It, But I'm Scared And I Need Someone

I am scared
I am fucked up
I am, to put it fucking bluntly, turning into a walking emo cliche
I hate myself right now

I don't really want to admit that I have a problem, but with blood all over my fucking hands, it's hard to pretend I'm okay

I'm not okay, I'm not, I need to do something with myself but I am so confused and frightened right now I can barely think straight

I am admitting this now, and my I feel quite sick doing so, with myself, but I self harm and I am not fucking proud of myself. Quite frankly, I hate myself right now

I was trying to work out how many painkillers I should take to OD earlier, or trying to figure out how to fucking kill myself, I don't understand why, I just, I can't do this shit any more

I don't want to, I hate this, I hate myself
I am so fucked up right now it is beyond belief, I don't recognise the person I am becoming and it's frightening the fucking hell out of me.

I can't tell my mum or my dad, they'll hate me even more, and think I am more fucked-up and send me to a shrink or some shit and they won't love me, they couldn't if they knew, they'd think I was less than worthless and I, I just can't tell them

I need to talk, or some advice, or something, please, cause I feel like a little kid right now that is in way over her fucking head, and I'm gonna drown if I don't get some help soon, cause I am scared and I can't stop myself right now, I think self destruction is addictive, I half want to see myself break and I don't get why, I just, I don't, I don't understand.

Fuck this, someone, please? Help me?