He broke my heart.

Just wantted to let those who care about my life. The man that I've been in love with for the past four years tells me a few days ago that he thinks he likes someone else and wants to ask her out and see where it will lead because he's afraid he'll have a girlfriend forever and not a wife and whatever. and he's like, you'll always be my best friend and I'm like....wow.

I hate you. I can't stand you! I cried and wanted to jump off the nearist bridge for this doushbag! You know, I was going to spend almost 500 dollars on him, to go and see him over christmas! But nope, not anymore. I love him so much you know and its impossible to be friends with someone you love like that. And I know I want him to be happy bull but I don't want to know about his happiness unless it involves me. I'm Selfish

Okay, I'm a bit better now, except for the sweet fact that my heart is in shambles right now and I don't know if it will be able to be put back together again. He's like, if it doesn't work out, I'll come back to you. Wow...I'm just incase shit doesn't go well, well thanks, love, but no thanks. I'm not going to take your ass back because I refuse to be second to anyone for you.

I told him I can't be his friend and he said that's all you can be for now, and I....I want him in my life but I don't want him at the same time. It sucks so bad, I just feel like crying and lying on the ground and sleeping for a long long time.

I want to have random sex with someone, anything to make me feel like a human again. Anything to help me breath normaly, without feeling like glass is traviling down my throat. Anything to make me talk to him again, anything to make me love again.

Maybe I'm sucidal, but I love life...and I know what that would do to my friends, but a little voice inside of me goes, would he even care at all? Would he cry? Would he stop to pounder if it was his fault? Would he come to my grave and weep or would he pretend that I didn't exist.

I want to know the cure for a broken heart? Anybody got any suggestions? Writting isn't helping, I've written two new stories, and I stll feel like life isn't worth living. The only time I can breath is when I sleep, when he isn't constently on my mind, when I don't think of him....I am living again.

A friend of mine asked me if I could give up meeting him would I? If I coudl give up the memories of the past four years, would I? I said no. That I would always want the memories of how he made me laugh, smile, cry, and love. But I want this heartache to end.....

but it only gets worse I hear.

BB