Coming clean?

Okay, I cant go on and pretending I'm fine.
You want me to talk? Ok, here it comes.
I HAVE A GODDAMN PROBLEM! MAYBE I NEEDA TALK TO SOMEONE!

There you go.
But anyways... I'll try to tell you everything, you should know why I act weird once in a while.
This is to my closest friends in the first place.

I have a strange kind of paranoia. A really freaky one.
The thing is that suddenly I feel - no, I know - that everyone hates me. My family, my friends, people on the bus, everyone. And I do know that I just think like this, but the more I think of it the more I know that I'm hated. I can easily come up with ten reasons of why my best friends hate me.
I didn't think that this was serious a few months ago, I thought that everybody felt like this sometimes, but I'm having dreams about it too now. It started with a dream about Cate acting weird and ignored me and talked about me behind my back, then a dream about Janina and I can remember one with Damien too. I keep having these bad dreams, and it's almost always the same thing; they act like they like me, but then they start ganging up on me, tell me how much they hate me etc etc.
It's getting to me. Getting to me big time.
This feeling haunts all the time, and I don't know what to do. I didn't even want to write this, I hate to tell people about my feelings, in the end my friends have to pull stuff out of me because I'm very intrapersonal.

You can say stuff like "But Lilli, we do love you" etc how much you want, but finally, I don't believe you, even though I want to.
Sorry I wrote this, you don't have to care about it... I'm just being silly.
April 23rd, 2008 at 03:18pm