So... issues of the day...
I'm fuckin' in love.
And I don't wanna be.
It's a guy.
I've known him ever since we were both 7. We lost contact when we were around 11 and regained it when we were 15, last year, us both being 16 now. Whoa, I feel flippin' young. 16. That's nothing!
Anyway, thing is, at the beginning I saw him as a friend that I had rediscovered, and we were each other's confident. He told me all of his issues, he even told me about his crushes.
Time kept passing, he'd keep acting strange, as in being angry, or sad, or simply awkward around me. He'd be uncomfortable around me, but he didn't like me to go home early, or just not sit right next to him wherever we were.
You see the issue with this guy is that, he takes every single gesture of every single person very personally. I've always been very considerate of everybody, and of him especially, knowing this about him, and that must be the secret of me being rather different to him than the rest of the world.
Anyways, my birthday was at the beginning of the year. A series of unfortunate events led to me not being able to ask him to go out with the whole gang the night I treated everybody with wine and whatnot for my birthday. He was rather bummed, and, a bit later, on his birthday, he purposefully didn't ask me to go and celebrate. I knew it was kind of my fault, but it hurt deep, because he had solemnly promised to have me there, last summer, me, the only one of the Happy Gang (the girls in our gang, not too appreciated by some people, for unknown reasons).
I let it all slide, but we were drawing more and more away from each other. The more distant he got, the more I felt for him. I knew, mind you, a lot of his inner feelings. I knew he felt alone.
So I slowly fell in love with him. It wasn't because of some amazing sex-appeal. Far from it, in fact. It's a feeling born out of compassion, nostalgia, and, as hard as it may be to admit, out of pity. But I allowed this feeling on, to grow, and now it's this suffocating love.
-to be continued-
Not registered?
Create an account