To Any Who Cares / Passing Looks...

I can't update for a while. It's not because I don't have the means to; if I'm able to, I will. However, I've got to be completely honest: I can't focus on anything at the moment besides school and home.

My dad's a fucking alcoholic now. It started off as a beer or two but has escalated to him coming home late, shit-faced and stumbling down the hall to sleep for hours until he can get up again. I hate it; I absolutely hate it. I guess it appears to my mom and sister that I don't care but how can I not? From a young age, I've always kept everything hidden inside me, kept it bottled up until I absolutely have no other choice.

I care deeply for what's going on, I do. How can anyone think that I don't care what's happening to my father, what's happening to my life? We're short on money, making ends meet I don't know how and now he's throwing the little we have down the pit of alcohol. I'm angry, frustrated, hurt, betrayed, depressed and virtually any other negative emotion you could think of. Whether or not I handle it by locking myself in my room and drowing in my music and words is my own problem.

I'm tired of all this; I just want to leave and run away somewhere far, far where no one knows me. I wouldn't care about dying now, not at all. In some way I hope I'm not jinxing myself or something but I just don't care about my own well-being right now. All I can think about are broken promises and stank breath and all these problems that are weighing down my shoulders. How am I, a mere sixteen year old, supposed to handle this?

I can't, which is why I'm putting a hold on everything here. This is just going to take a backseat to the rest of my problems because I'm going to have to fix those first before I could go on with this. I apologize sincerely but I don't want to give you guys some crappy updates when my life is like this. I hope you all understand because I...I just can't anymore, not at all.