April 26,2008

About a week ago i watched the movie "Juno" it was an amazing movie, no wonder it got so many awards, but the thang is i thought i could handle how it would remind me of my lil gurl.
for those of yah who dont know its about a 16 yr old gurl in high skool who gets pregers and ends up doing adoption.... and im a now 16 yr old gurl who is in high skool and got pregers when i was 14 and gave it up for adoption.... watching that movie has made my life hell since i watched it...... my normal nightmares i was used to turned to ones that are making me wake up screaming or crying, right as the movie ended i went to the bathroom and cryed for three hours and it was so bad i got sick.....if yah know what i mean. and i have an insinsative boyfriend who dosnt realy understand how i feel, and a mom who tells me to suck it up. the memories just flooded my mind

Aug. 23,2006

Im laying in a hospital bed, my insides feel like there beeing riped out by a dull spoon. i scream out in pain begging for them to make it stop. the adoptive mom(lets call her K) is quite a godly woman listining to me say some of the most discrasful words in her mind im pritty shur. im here in labor with a little gurl, its mid august and im sweating like madona in church cus its hotter than hell in here, if i could really read the time im shur id tell yah its early mornig and still fucking hot.... they wont give me pain medication cus im so young.... fuck them i need it......i start to feel this pressure, i feel like my parts are tearing, wheres the doctor? i want a fuckin doctor..... i finaly got one......

Aug. 23, 2006 7:55 am
7lbs 4oz
21 inches long
little girl is born

Carlie J. Smith in my books... thats what i named her, it on her original birth certificit
K and her fam changed it aginst our agreement,

the dad is no were around, and were way to young to raise a kid.

i was 15yrs 3months old

some people may see it as ungodly or wrong and a big mistake
but by far it was the best thing i went through and did in my life. Kand fam have a lil gurl that they woldnt have if not for me and Kyle(her dad)

i gtg the bf is here(not kyle he ran off afterwords) and mad at me....looking to fight YIPPY......NOT

my bday is in 19 DAYS

ill be 17
My Carlie J is 1yr and 8 months..my counting may be a lil off but its hard to think bout some times

ttyl