What you don't know will sometimes kill you.

Yesterday I had this awful sinking feeling that Masha was going to break up with me, I don't know why, but I did. As soon as I had resigned myself to that fact I talk to her and she calls me crazy and tell me how much she loves me and can't live without me and she just misses me and hates me being grounded so we can't talk....

Because we haven't talked in ages....

Wait...that was yesterday, and I talked to her on Friday....

Is it just me who's never happy in a relaionship? and always looking for something not better but different.

I'm an awful person, stay away from me

I miss her too, I wish I was there and I wish she didn't have school so I could call her late at night and early in the day whenever I wanted to talk to her and just say hi or make her laugh.

I don't really like the word clingy but....what now?

I'm the kind of person who needs space and I'm always with people who hate space...

Maybe there's just so much going on with me and so little going on with them in compairison.

Here's something different though...

My brother called me last night to tell me how much he loves me and how it was okay that I had a girlfriend and that he had been kicking himslef ever since last weekend when he didn't really say anything in the car when I told him.

I love my brother...

But what do I do??

Am I a shitty person if I say I love you and don't mean it the way I ment it with Jeff?
I do love her but I'm not in love with her.
She's so absolutely perfect and amazing....
Does being in love come right off the bat?
When i saw her I was instantly attracted o her, I knew she was something special and I had to meet her before I lost the chance to know her.

Funny how she walked up to me to say hi.

Funny how she gave me her number....
(She wrote it on my arm with a sharpie and a little bleeding heart)

I've been in love before....

I was in love with Jeff and I knew it...he wasn't in love with me though.
I told myself I was in love with Adam, just so what he did to me was okay.
I told myself I was in love with Lucas, and I was, but not inlove, I loved him, in a sister/best friend/ i'd-hate-to-live-without-you way...not inlove.
I maybe was in love with Antony...I felt really strongly for him, I really did...but it went away, I grew out of him but he still liked me.
I was in love with Matthew, that was puppy love at it's best. What a good time in my life...till I cried....
Now Masha....I love her, really, she has a piece of me already....but inlove...I'm not even sure..........

I'm not sure.....