Bow Out Gracefully

Ya know? There's moments when we've taken something just too far. You feel passionate, strongly, moved by something and then in presenting it to someone else, you realize just how much that may be over stepping your bounds.

We all do it. We have our things we do, the things we love that we want the world to know, but the world... well they aren't too keen on hearing it.

Or maybe its the other way around. You have a friend who is constantly talking about their politics, or complaining about someone else's and you really don't want to hear it anymore. Its not because you don't care, its not because you don't like to see them feeling for something, but you just can't completely commit to that. You can't say that you feel the same, or maybe you can't even say that you feel the opposite. Its just a neutral thought.

We all do this. We all make our decisions, say what comes to our head, act on a whim and then slowly come to the painful understanding that no one out there cares... no, that's not quite right. They care for you, but not for your cause so much.

Now, I am a huge advocate of people running after their dreams, their loves and their passions. I understand the desperation to cry out for someone to stand with you, or even against you. I believe that if you never ask, you'll never know what the outcome could have been. Be prepared to ask the questions, but be aware that there is a fifty percent chance you will be denied. Expect to be rejected because only then will the times when you go to someone different, someone new, someone who agrees with you, will you truly understand the grandest of joys in finding common ground.

Remember to bow out gracefully. There comes a point, where you should just let go about a few things. You realize that you are desperate for something, for a cause, for a movement, but now isn't the time. Be willing to wait. Be willing to be patient. Be willing to accept defeat and that it isn't happening.

I'm starting to lose my own patience. I'm starting to freak out about things that happen in the future. There's a very good chance it has to do with the fact that there is a wedding this summer and I am in it as a bride's maid, that I have to see the planning and insanity. I don't want that craziness, but it keeps me thinking about what my wedding could be like. Of course, when I really think about it, all that comes to mind is, "Oh my gosh, what am I crazy? I don't want to be married!"

I've been losing my patience for a long time. It seems God likes to test me the most on this. For as long as I can remember, He's been keeping quiet. He asks for me to call out to Him, yet my answers take time. I've accepted this as sufficient for a long time. The longer I learn this lesson of patience, however, the more worried I become. I stop worrying about the answers I'm waiting for now and start concerning myself with what God has planned for me later. If I need to be this extremely patient now, I can only assume that He knows something is going to happen and when it does... it will require me to be agonizingly patient, obedient and trusting. He's preparing me, and I'm scared to death.

So, I'm bowing out gracefully. I've been pushing my own agenda. I've been wanting things my way, right now. He's not going to give anything to a screaming toddler. A child caught with its hand in the cookie jar will not be blessed further that day. I have to stop trying to push my life forward at a speed He does not desire.

Its not about me.

If I were doing my job as a leader of a small group and and an active member of a church and a genuine follower of Christ, my priorities would be different. All I've done recently is bitch and moan about how much I think the church (in general) sucks and how I think they are doing it wrong. I've become so bitter recently that its starting to hurt me more than do any good.

I'm bowing out gracefully because I'm fighting for something no one else agrees with. It isn't about when I get that career, or how I plan my wedding, or what the church thinks about just my opinion. No one is going to listen to me if I don't have my own ducks in a row. Ok, so at the moment I don't have that many ducks... but they are big ducks!! I'm doing my best on my own, when I should be doing His best for Him, with Him.