Hating this situation.

I hate myself for letting him manipulate me. I hate myself for knowing he's
manipulating me and still holding on to the off chance, my instincts are wrong.
The off chance that he really does love me and I might love him but the truth is
I don't love him. The truth is he doesn't love me. The secret truth is that I'm afraid.
I'm so fucking afraid of throwing away the only thing I have right now, that I've put
up with things I know better then to. I hate myself for lowered standards, loose
morals and undeniably fake smiles.

But on the upside, this isn't the end of the world. It just really feel like it.