extremely private.

So, as I said this was an extremely private journal; I'm not saying this to get attention or to brag or anything. It's something that's been on my mind that I don't really feel like sharing with people I actually know.

So, I was on this one medication called lexapro. It made me wicked hungry to the point that someone could honestly mistake me for a compulsive over-eater. So I went to my psychiatrist, and he prescribed me Wellburtrin XLl, which is supposed to give you the same benefits as lexapro as well as an appetite loss. He kept me on the lexapro as well, but dropped the dosage to 5 mgs.

It really started to work, like my mood wasn't as great with the lower dosage of lexapro, but eating normally and not gaining weight helped me feel better, naturally. However, the next weekend I went to the cape with my friend. We stocked up on alcohol before we left. Now, I know with lexapro it says not to drink but I always did and nothing bad ever happend. However, this was my first time drinking with wellbutrin XL. I had about 5 smirnoff ices (which only have 5% alc in it) and maybe like three shots of absolute. This was over the course of like seven hours, I wasn't even that drunk at all.

However, for some reason the next morning into the next day, I was so SICK. Like abnormally sick, I was throwing up constantly-it wasn't your typical hangover. So I called my therapist and asked her, and she said it could be the meds, but my psychiatrist didn't think so. So I was off and on and off and on with both of them. The last day I FLIPPED OUT. I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin. My heart beat so fast, I couldn't breath properly, I was shoving tooth brushes down my throat to make myself throw up, I couldn't do ANYTHING! it was the worst feeling ever.

I started to settle down. I didn't drink as much and I stopped taking the lexapro and only take the Wellbutrin now. However, I'm feeling really really hungry again all time and eating abnormal amounts of food, and I don't understand why because Wellbutrin is supposed to curb your appetite. Maybe it's because I'm on my period...but ah i have noo idea. I just want to be back to the way I was. This is so FRUSTRATING.