I have the urge to vent about some stuff

Back in December, I went numb.
Like everything got turned on its head, and nothing mattered anymore. I can't remember anything from mid-december to mid- January.
All set off by one event, but some other crap was going on before which started it all off.
Because of that I did some bad things to myself, and neglected by school work and friendships, from which I've only just re-covered from. I even tried it not be here anymore
Now I'm scared everything will be ripped away in a moment again, and I won't be able to claw my way back.
And every so often someone will do something stupid which will trigger off the numbness again, like a stupid look, or an offhand commet.
It's happening more frequently and I know that all it'll take is one event, and I'll be gone.
But I look to the simple things to keep me here.
The fact that I can just about trust some of my closest friends again.
The fact that I can make a difference to myself in a positive way
The fact that music is awesome
The fact that I slowly am getting my confidence back
The fact that I got my first A* since around November
The fact that I can dress how I like now, and not worry about what my 'friends' will say, because I have people who I think love me for me.
I honestly think I'll be okay, I'm just not there quite yet.

Told you it was a venting :)