Rules of being a successful Slytherin

I wanted to shorten my profile so I'm posting this here because it's awesomesauce like that. I still didn't write it though, dammit.

Rules of Being a Successful Slytherin
by J. L. Matthews

1. For every rule, there is a loophole.
2. Never give a mundane explanation when a magical one can be hinted at.
3. If fair means have failed you, it is time to resort to foul.
4. If foul means have failed you, it probably wasn't worth having anyway.
5. If at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence that you tried. (not original, but it had to be here!)
6. Winning isn't everything. Your image is.
7. Three professionals no Slytherin should be without: a lawyer, a PR rep and a damn good style consultant.
8. If fortune has presented you with an unexpected opportunity which you don't really deserve, the last thing you should do is correct the mistake. (one of the Discworld books, but I can't remember which, probably Wyrd Sisters or Lords and Ladies, maybe Witches Abroad)
9. NEVER play little old ladies at cards. EVER. (Taken from Witches Abroad by Terry Pratchett)
10. NEVER seek to rob, con, beat up or otherwise abuse small, harmless seeming little old men. (Taken from Thief of Time by Terry Pratchett. Down nine places from Rule One.)
11. The truth is a terrible and dangerous thing, and should be avoided if at all possible.
12. If someone has the power to completely disarm you, to take you apart from the inside out, to turn their dreams into yours, to invade every single part of your life and marry it with theirs so you don't know whose is whose anymore, to bring you sobbing into their arms like the child you've always denied ever being and to destroy you utterly with a single glance... for gods' sake, don't tell them!
13. Keep smiling. A well planned smile can be more frightening than a single glare.
14. Your real feelings are a precious thing indeed. And they should be better guarded than Fort Knox.
15. Of all the Slytherins you will ever meet, there is one who you should fear above all others. And that is the Slytherin Who Still Has A Cuddly Animal And Is Not Afraid To Show It.
16. Bright colours are the devil's work.
17. Don't underestimate the benefits of Muggle technology - there's no magical substitute for a rocket launcher.
18. Or for that matter an armoured tank.
19. Tantrums are good. A systematic and brutal revenge is better.
20. Never wear anything that doesn't end in a vowel.
21. There are very few things that can't have bets placed on them.
22. Make sure you're the one taking the bets.
23. Despite what everyone tells you, spilling red wine on your best silk shirt IS a hanging offence.
24. So, for that matter, is yellow and black as a combination. The real reason why we're always teasing the Hufflepuffs.
25. Slytherins ARE sexier. Studies prove it. (Sirius Black is the exception rather than the rule.)
26. If you ever come across a cool piece of jewellery or a weapon with an ancient curse or prophecy over it - leave it where it is. Don't get involved. They're more trouble than they're worth.
27. Definitely don't get involved with pretty brunettes sporting cool snake tattooes and a destiny over them. It will end in tears. (you'll need to have read Slytherin Rising to get that one!)
28. Never forget the house colours - silver, green and the unofficial third colour - black.
29. Some Slyths rely on their wands. Others rely on their fists. Some rely on the power of a single glance. Others don't need to rely on anything at all because the mere mention of their name is enough. But the one weapon no Slytherin can afford to be without is the Witty Quip. Have one ready at all times.
30. There are many methods of achieving immortality. Fame. Fortune. Heroic Deeds. Creativity. Lots and lots of descendants. However, the one you should favour is Not Dying. (Taken from Colour of Magic by Pratchett, no surprises there, eh?)
31. Hero is not a compliment. (From Thief of Time by... flippin' hell, I'm sick of typing his name, you surely know it by now.)
32. Sneaky bastard is.
33. There is always a price.
34. They only hate you because they're jealous.
35. But one day, they'll need you. And then, finally, we will get our reward.

The Prophecy
A millennium of darkness on Slytherin's get,
As all our good deeds you'll forget,
And war shall be the Serpents' fate.
From Muggle and womb of a serpent girl,
Shall come the Destroyer, laying waste to the world.
As Heir of Slytherin he shall be known.
Then shall come delivery,
As a magical flower on a Muggle tree,
Which yet has roots in magic deep.
The Redeemer of Slytherin shall she be.
Yet to achieve her destiny,
A warrior wizard will she need.
Of Gryffindor and Slytherin conjoined,
Yet tending towards Godric's side.
He will aid her all the while.
They will cause the Dark Lord's fall.
They will bring them, one and all.
At the last, the war will end,
And warring serpents once more be friends.
And by this sign shall ye know them - when they first lay hands upon their wands, the Serpent of Slytherin shall rise and strike fear into the hearts of all who witness it. And they shall each bear their destiny on their arms as a Mark, never to fade until their fate is complete.